Vintage T-Shirt Collective
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Worst Harley T-Shirts Ever
October 17, 2012 by Jimmy J · 5 Comments
We’ve spent years showcasing cool vintage Harley t-shirts. But today I feel a little embarrassed for doing so. The rice references in the last batch of offensive (yet expensive) Harley t-shirts we reported on push it, even in the 1980s. But these ones go a step beyond the ethnocentricity (nice way of saying kinda racist), sexual innuendo (nice way of saying pretty sexist) and swear words.
Both of the t-shirts below are once again products of the Rocky Mountain Harley Dealership in Littleton Colorado. It still operates to this day. You have to wonder why a store would proudly print these images along side their logo.
The sad part is that both of these t-shirts fetched over $400 each on eBay. Assuming because they’re taboo, perhaps they’re rare – exclusive products of one dealership because we’ve never seen them before. Whatever the case may be definitely not something I’d want in my collection. If I can’t feel proud wearing it in public, I don’t want it.
I’m going to reach out to both Harley Davidson and this dealership to get the word on how these came to fruition and their thoughts in today’s day and age.
What Dat Is?
September 26, 2009 by Jimmy J · 2 Comments
In this section I highlight the worst vintage t-shirts ever created. No, I don’t mean bad in the 1980s Michael Jackson way either, I mean offensive, vile, in poor taste, politically incorrect, or just plain ugly.
T-Shirt: B-Rock & The Bizz “My Baby Daddy”
Type: Band
Offense: An ugly design only a mother could love.
Uses: Attire for a Maury Povich paternity episode.
At only 12 years of age this shirt doesn’t qualify under our definition of vintage. However, its crimes against the t-shirt and music community are so horrific it qualifies as a young offender and we want to make an example out of it.
I love one-hit-wonders because 9 times out of 10 they are decent tunes on some level. Meet #10 – the song that should never have been a hit in the first place: My Baby Daddy by B-Rock & The Bizz. In 1998 this tune was evicted from the darkest recesses of my mind by the Venga Boys when they formally announced that they liked to party. I welcomed the Boys with open arms because it’s a scientific fact that there can only be one annoying song that plays on repeat in your subconscious. They have since overstayed their welcome.
My Baby Daddy features the most annoying voice ever recorded for the purpose of music, “that’s just my baby daddy” which is a response to the nonsensical question, “who dat is?” both are repeated over and over until the song is finally over, thank god. If this isn’t ringing any bells, we highly suggest you keep it that way. But if you’re really curious and have considered having a frontal lobotomy anyway, then here’s the video.
Aside from glorifying a bad song – the biggest strike against this shirt is the gaudy full-coverage-photo-collage style that so many mid ’90s R&B/hip hop shirts were designed in. A dark era of t-shirt design that was thankfully short-lived.
The more I rake it over the coals the more I realize this shirt deserves to be adopted by a responsible parent who wears it for the right reasons. Buy low, stash it away and three years from now you’ll be happy you did. If you’ve got the patience, shirtswithballs is accepting applicants.
- Check out the previous worst tee: vintage marky mark t-shirt.
Marky Mark Wahlberg Gropes His Junky Bunch
April 30, 2009 by Jimmy J · 5 Comments
In this section I highlight the worst vintage t-shirts ever created. No, I don’t mean Bad in the 1980s Michael Jackson way … I mean: offensive, vile, in poor taste, politically incorrect, or just plain ugly.
T-Shirt: Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
Type: Band
Offense: Warning, contains nudity and sexuality, viewer discretion is advised.
Uses: Wear it, I dare you. It takes reverse cool in to unchartered territories.
I totally respect Marky’s acting career but this t-shirt causes audiences more pain than Max Payne. What is he doing with his hands, giving himself an Italian Job? Even Dirk Diggler wouldn’t have the balls to release such filth.
Aside from this shirt being a MM&FB band tee, it’s wrong on multiple levels. For one, it’s an ugly 1990s all over print (which are kinda due for a comeback). The best/worst part is that Wahlberg is shirtless and making a lewd gesture, conveniently located on your chest.
For the first time in this section I actually highly suggest this t-shirt. If you get a kick out of the super lame, enjoy turning heads and offending people, this shirt is right up your alley. It trumps every t-shirt on our list of the “10 Worst Vintage Band T-Shirts You Must Wear”.
- Check out the previous worst entry: vintage devo t-shirt.
Devo’s New Sleeveless Turtleneck Tradition
March 20, 2009 by Jimmy J · 5 Comments
In this section I highlight the worst vintage t-shirts ever created. No, I don’t mean Bad in the 1980s Michael Jackson way … I mean: offensive, vile, in poor taste, politically incorrect, or just plain ugly.
T-Shirt: Devo New Traditionalists Fan Club T-Shirt
Type: Band
Offense: Paradoxically Ugly
Uses: You’re a member of Devo, OR, one of your hangers desperately needs a shirt on it.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Devo and 99.9% percent of vintage Devo t-shirts. I love the trend-setting fashion gimmicks and uniforms they used. Truth be told, I’m actually wearing an Energy Dome as I type this. I love all their imagery, logos, layout, and use of color. But this sleeveless red turtleneck atrocity is definitely the exception that proves the rule.
For openers, a sleeveless tee / turtleneck combo clashes in terms of its weather-friendly features. If it’s warm enough to go sleeveless, why would you want a turtleneck on? It doesn’t make any sense, but I’m sure that’s why Devo did it. This turtleneck is actually thicker fabric than the base of the shirt and it’s pretty long so it bunches up under your chin. Yuck.
To make matters worse, both sleeveless and turtlenecks are difficult to pull off even when not sewn together. Please don’t go sleeveless unless you’ve got a toned torso and fit arms. And pass on turtlenecks unless you’re a professor and it’s worn under a corduroy blazer with elbow patches.
Now that you know what to avoid there’s plenty of amazing vintage Devo t-shirts here.
Check out “The 10 Worst Vintage Band Tees You Must Wear” or our previous worst entry: Bloody Stools t-shirt.
Bloody Stools = Bloody Disgusting
December 11, 2008 by Jimmy J · 3 Comments
In this section I highlight the worst vintage t-shirts ever created. No, I don’t mean Bad in the 1980s Michael Jackson way … I mean: offensive, vile, in poor taste, politically incorrect, or just plain ugly.
T-Shirt: Bloody Stools
Type: Band
Offense: Gross-Out
Uses: Toilet Rag
Information on this band is tough to find, and even tougher to search through. If you Google them you’ll find a lot of medical diagnosis that’s more disgusting than the cover of their 1991 album.
After weeding through all the crap, I finally find out they were a metal band…surprise, surprise, that was put together as a gag by some sound engineers. Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora, Sabastian Bach and Dave Sabo all made guest appearances on the album. Hey, that’s pretty damn cool, right? Well, it gets completely overshadowed by the poor choice in names, lyrics and imagery.
The title tracks included, “Show Me Your Tits,” “Barnyard Love” and “Give Head or Die.” You can listen to a few of these tracks on their very unpopular MySpace page.
Thankfully the band didn’t survive what ever condition was ailing them.
Check out “The 10 Worst Vintage Band Tees You Must Wear”.