Remember when your mommy used to buy you knockoff brands to save a little loot? You opened your gift, expecting a pair of Batman Underoos and what you got was Batguy Underyous. Then you burst into tears and proclaimed, “This is the worst 19th birthday ever!”
There was some method to mom’s madness, and it’s time to employ her logic while the economy sucks. And speaking of sucks, these bands do a lot of it, despite being a collective of legendary musicians. They are still respected because of their previous accomplishments, but ironic-cool because of how lame they became. The hiccups in their careers passes savings along to you.
1. The Firm
Jimmy Page’s transition from Zeppelin to The Firm is the single biggest disappointment on this list. The track “Radioactive” had slight success, on a molecular level, but the rest of the album was a complete waste of talent. Their first tour ended up being their last, so they packed it in before their original fan base had a complete meltdown.
Steve Carell’s character in the film, The 40 Year Old Virgin, was a serious collector of dolls and action figures, and a huge fan of Asia. There’s a reason the writers selected Asia – it’s because their latitude of lameness is completely off the map. This band succeeded years beyond any other on this list. They even released a third album, but no one can explain how.
3. Damn Yankees
With grunge bursting onto the scene in the ’90s, it’s amazing this supergroup made up of ’70s and ’80s rockers lasted as long as it did. They sucked. Styx and stones may break their bones, but words will never hurt them. Besides, even if they did, Nugent would just pick up his jammy and let two fly.
4. Bad English
Neil Schon and John Waite formed one of the last supergroups of the 1980s and actually managed to put together a decent initial offering. Then the ’90s hit and their second release flunked out – not a single track made the Top 40. It wasn’t just bad English, but bad math, and especially, bad music.
At the height of their popularity in 1985, Duran squared decided to take a well-deserved break from their recently completed tour. So they relaxed by immediately forming two separate bands and touring all over again. Two of them plugged into The Power Station with Robert Palmer, and the remaining three played with Arcadia. But it was lights-out and game over very quickly for both groups.
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