It’s that annoying time of year that every form of media chimes in to put their spin on New Year’s resolutions. So we’re jumping on the bandwagon and putting vintage t-shirts to the test. We wanted to see if they could help accomplish the most popular 2009 resolutions and we’re very pleased to report the results.
Resolution #1: Save Money & Invest
January and February are historically the slowest months for eBay; but factor in the current state of the economy as an added savings bonus. Less traffic means less bids, meaning this is the best time in the history of eBay to buy low. After a few years you’ll have a little investment on your torso that you could flip for some extra loot, that is, if the sentimental value isn’t higher by then.
Resolution #2: Get Fit & Eat Well
A true vintage t-shirt will be vintage sized. A vintage XL is pretty much a medium by today’s standards, so the better shape you are in, the broader your options will be re: squeezing in to one. The classic “I’ll start my diet tomorrow” vintage tee loses its funny when you can no longer fit in to it. Buy an array of differently sized vintage t-shirts as motivation for the stages of your regimen.
Resolution #3: Be Green
Vintage Ts represent all three of the environment Rs. They were produced decades ago they don’t leave any new environmental footprints. Once you’ve worn it well beyond recognition, have a professional seamstress repair it. Repeat this process until your t-shirt is reduced to a few threads, then use those threads to repair another vintage tshirt.
Resolution #4: Stop Smoking
How dare you even consider smoking while wearing a vintage t-shirt. You know what smoking does to your hair, skin and lungs…now imagine what it does to cotton. Non-existent studies have shown that second-hand smoke absorbed by fabric contributes to accelerated wear. We suggest using a vintage t-shirt like the patch: when you have one on, don’t smoke.
Resolution #5: More Time With Family & Friends
If you’ve tackled all the previous resolutions, this one will take care of itself. Your friends and family will flock to the thinner, wealthier, greener, and odorless you. Wear a vintage t-shirt at the next social gathering you attend and you’ll be the party. And if you’re sick of traveling to the sticks to see your relatives, worry not, they’ll all come from miles just to catch a glimpse of you.
You should get started right now by using The Defunkd Vintage T-Shirt Collective. Then you won’t have to worry about Resolution #6: No More Procrastinating.